There's No Such Thing as a Perfect Parent

​Parenting is challenging and frustrating. It’s hard to know if you’re doing the right things and making wise choices that will benefit your children. It can sometimes feel like there’s no good answer for many of the parenting situations you find yourself in.

In parenting, as in the rest of life, perfection isn’t a possibility. Figure out your values and allow them to guide you instead!

Use these tips to accept that you don't need to be perfect!

1. Figuring out your values. You learn a lot of things when you become a parent but often it can feel overwhelming, take some time to figure out your parenting values, ask yourself these questions

• What kind of parent do you want to be?
• At your child’s 18th birthday party, what would you want her to say about the way you cared for her when she was a baby?
• What are your favourite times with your child?
• If you had a magic wand and could remove the worst parts, what would your days with your children be like?

2. Learn from parents around you. Whether the parents you have observed and possibly your own were spectacular, mediocre, or terrible, there is something that you can learn from them.

• Think about what parents you admired did well.
• Consider the ways in which you seen parents fail.
• There is a lot of good information you can use from your childhood. Discuss this with your siblings or best friends if they’re willing.

3. Ask for feedback from your children. Tell your kids that you want to be a better parent and ask for advice. Ask them what you could do better. A lot of the information you’re given won't be helpful, but there will be a few gold nuggets of advice in there. You might hear a few things you’ve never considered.

4. Ignore the opinions. Everyone you meet will have an opinion about how to better parent children. Plenty of those people will give you advice without you asking for it. Everyone likes to be an armchair spectator. Consider their feedback but make your own decision about whether to implement their ideas and link back to your values.  

5. Cover the basics. These may be basic, but that doesn’t mean that they’re easy! Do your best to ensure that your kids see these concepts in action.

• Children and everyone else need to have high self-esteem. Life is miserable and limiting without it.
• Education matters. Help your child to do as well as they can and don't be scared for them to learn in non traditional ways.
• Be a good role model. Your children are always watching you.
• Keep them safe. Think about the internet, explore how to speak up, that privates are private, how to say no and whom to talk to about things that upset them.  I love the pantosaurus book from the NSPCC 
• Teach them the important things. Teach them the importance of saving money, how to make friends, how to deal with negative emotions, being honest and other things that speak to your values.
• Spend time with them each day. We spend time on the things that matter. When you spend time with your children, they know they matter.
• Love unconditionally. Show your children that you love them even when they make mistakes.

6. Accept challenges as an opportunity. Children benefit from the support of an adult to show that challenges and tricky situations will happen but they can also be overcome.  This is a truly amazing life skill.  

7. Read. Parenting is one of the most researched areas of study in the world. There are a lot of great books that all parents can read and use, I love the how to talk to kids collection.  

No parent can be perfect. You’re doomed to feel like a failure if perfection is your goal. Fortunately, kids are quite resilient and don’t require perfect parenting. Keep doing your best and living by your values rather than a set of rules.